Cheating and Divorce

[mh1]

@ Help, I concentrated on answering immediately after reading your first post.

I have now read further, and understand that your husband is threatening to divorce you immediately and report you to the police. Now, you will learn this from the legal aid office too, but until then:

Your husband CANNOT divorce you immediately (as I wrote in my first answer). First he has to file a petition to 'Statsforvaltningen' for separation. They will then within a couple of weeks contact you to ask whether you want to cooperate in the separation. If you say no, your husband has to ask Statsforvaltningen to forward his petition to the court, and wait until there is time for the court to handle his/your case. It may take some months.

If you choose to go to the women's shelter, they will not inform your husband of your whereabouts. Also if he should guess where you are and come there, he will not be allowed to enter, and will not get any confirmation as to whether you actually are there or not. That's the whole idea about a shelter: you can hide from the abusive spouse. They may give you the choice of going to another shelter in another city.

Your husband can and may go to the police, but most likely he will not. Very few people of his sort will. The police often know a bully when they see one, and he could be asked questions he would prefer not to have to answer. Especially since you have filed a report on him. Also, his going to the police would be a completely empty gesture, because you have not committed any crime, and my guess is that he knows this perfectly well.

Your husband cannot 'send you home'. It is NOT up to your husband to decide whether you can stay in DK or not. Neither is it up to the police. That decision belongs to US, and they do not make decisions 'on the spur' and neither do they make decisions based on information from only one of 2 spouses.

In my opinion it will not hurt your case in any way, if you go to the shelter today or tomorrow. But the choice is yours.

[Helate]

I could not agree more with mh. "Help" your numebr 1 priority is getting away from that guy. Once you are at the shelter, you will first of all get some peace and will thereby think more clear. Second of all they are used to your type of situation so they can protect you and guide you.

Then of course after going there, there will be a lot of things to be done, but at least you are away from the person giving you stomach aches and so on.

[MARIA2010]

This is an add info to you HELP...

try to search for a free legal advice from different kommune, maybe theres an available every tuesday not just thursday.... (thats what I did) talk with different lawyers from a different cities. As you stated with your post that your doctor knew your case, try ask statement from him and from the police, maybe US will considered it a substantial evidence against your husband, and by that, maybe just maybe you can stay in DK.....

To mh.....

When I was kicked out by my x from our apartment, I moved to one of my friends and change my address as private, because I dont want to have contact with my x anymore.

But my x, called up US , lied and make another story... to make a story short... US informed my x with my present address. And x informed US that we are not living together. That is why, even we are not yet divorce, I received a letter from US that they are cancelling my Permits

[mh1]

To both of you, Maria2010 and Help:

You can ask for your address and your telephone number to be kept secret from an abusive spouse or any other abusive person. It will then not appear on any publicly accessible lists. The information that you have 'secret address' will be forwarded to US, police etc. and they should thus keep this information from your spouse/ex-spouse. It is, however, not foolproof. I have seen examples of incompetent personnel forgetting to erase the secret address from forwarded copies etc.

And Maria2010, US will not 'cancel' a residence permit without trying to contact the person it belongs to. That is simply against the law. There must be more to your story than that, since US has your address they will surely have asked for your version of the story before taking any action.

[MARIA2010]

mh

Yes you are right, US wants me to explain why I need to stay in DK.

After stating all the facts, possiblities, work, statement from the socialrådgiver, US still think that I still leave the country.

And about my secret address, US informed my xhusband about my whereabouts therefore x found me and continued blackmailing, threatening me....

[Help]

Why not just leave today and go to the crisis center? i would think they also could help getting in contact with the free legal advice.

Hi Helate, I have done that before, I went to the crisis center and then I asked them what can they help me or somewhat I only need some psychological advice. They only told me that they can only provide shelter for a max. of 3 months and I can attend some group meetings with the rests of the victim. They asked me to stay there already, but during that time I cannot because my husband did not know that I went to the doctor and crisis center, and I will not go home that time then it will be a big trouble for me and I am very scared of that to happen. So, what I just did was to went home and try not to encounter with him, only talk when he asked questions and answer very shortly or if he ask me to do something then I will just do it immediately with no comment at all. And it seems it worked, but its like living worst than a prison. From then, I started to do like that, but he get more abusive and kicked me out from our house because he want to house his new woman for the weekend, that even I beg him just let me stay, then I ended up being harrassed and threatened. So, there is really no other option, but to wait until I get the free legal advice opinion. Thank you so much Helate, I will keep you posted. I just get disappointed with the rules here in Denmark, that even a married woman to a dane doesnt have her full right against there matrimony and as a wife. That's why a lot of husband are so abusive because they feel their power on them. I need to be strong, much stronger, because I am already a loser in our relationship, I dont want to end being a loser again in pursuing a better life for me.

[mh1]

Help, bullies are cowards and when you show weakness they will increase their abuse-level.

I really cannot understand why you did not stay in the shelter when they offered it. SO WHAT if your husband didn't know that you had been to the doctor and the police? This particular shelter can offer you 3 months housing, but that doesn't mean that after that you have to go back to your husband. I can't see how going there can make your situation worse.

Moving there will show him that he doesn't have any power over you any more, staying will on the other hand increase his power and you are literally only doing yourself harm by staying. It will NOT in any way improve your chance of staying in DK, on the contrary it will weaken your claim that you were abused. People will think you must be exaggerating, since obviously it was not so bad that you chose to leave. The longer you stay the weaker you will become, because the abuse is fast eating away your self-confidence. Soon you will begin to think you deserve this kind of treatment.

[Help]

Help, bullies are cowards and when you show weakness they will increase their abuse-level.

I really cannot understand why you did not stay in the shelter when they offered it. SO WHAT if your husband didn't know that you had been to the doctor and the police? This particular shelter can offer you 3 months housing, but that doesn't mean that after that you have to go back to your husband. I can't see how going there can make your situation worse.

Moving there will show him that he doesn't have any power over you any more, staying will on the other hand increase his power and you are literally only doing yourself harm by staying. It will NOT in any way improve your chance of staying in DK, on the contrary it will weaken your claim that you were abused. People will think you must be exaggerating, since obviously it was not so bad that you chose to leave. The longer you stay the weaker you will become, because the abuse is fast eating away your self-confidence. Soon you will begin to think you deserve this kind of treatment.

Sorry, I just read all the messages today. I know it is very hard for you understand why I did not stay at the crisis center, it is easy to say, but when you are in the situation and troubled, you don't want anything to make it even worse. First reason why I did not stay in the center its because, all my clothes and all important personal documents (my life documents) are still in the house, and he already threaten me before that he will burn all of them once I did something not good. Second, if i will not go home that day, he will look for me and find it skeptical and then call US informing about me and make stories of me. He told me already that he called US on how to easily send a foreigner wife back home. And he also told me, that he can easily call the police that i stole money from him so that I will be in prison, blacklisted, and send home. So to avoid all these threaths, i decided to went home and just try to stay distant from him and do everything whatever he said. Third, I am going to school, so even if I stay in the crisis, I still need to go out to attend my classes, and he knows for sure where he can find me there.

But this time things changed differently, he told me that his done beating and hurting me, because this time he is onto cheating with different woman, but if i will not accept that or do something bad, or maybe lurk at his women ( where he also lied that he is single), he firmly said that he will beat the shit out of me. And since I dont want that to happen to me, I just followed whatever he said even if it makes me feel so down, disrespected, and degraded.

Now, I am staying the weekend with my friend because his other woman is in our own house. He allowed me to go back tonight, because I beg him that I have a worked that i need to report very early morning. After reading all the advice and opinion, the last thing that came to my mind is just to keep distant from him and avoid encounters, until I can have the best legal advice on my case and that will be until thursday. My husband is a very smart and wise man, he can easily changed and shift the story especially that I am not fluent in danish.

[mh1]

Your husband is evidently neither smart nor wise, he is a bully and a thug. And he is lying through his teeth to you, he cannot in any way 'send you home'.

He cannot possibly create proof that you stole money from him.

Get your papers and get out, stuff everything else, your clothes are not worth your dignity.